14 articles Tag marriage

Helping Children Through a Divorce

Helping Children Through a DivorceIf two people no longer wish to remain together, that is their business. Divorces can, at times, be messy and complicated. A couple who once felt nothing but love and admiration may now only feel resentment and spite towards their former other half. It is known for individuals to get hurt quite often during the divorce process. 

Yet, in all this, it can sometimes be the children who bear the brunt of the pain of their parents’ lost love. Child custody rights when filing for divorce can be one of the issues that causes the most friction, particularly when children are made to feel like they must choose between one parent or the other.

Whether you are one of the parents, a relative, or even a family friend, there are multiple ways in which you can help children get through the divorce process with as little trauma as possible.

Offer to Babysit

If you are an outsider in the divorce, looking after the child while the parents are at a mediation, or in court itself, can take a weight off of everyone’s shoulders. This way, children do not have to be exposed to the divorce process, and parents can take some time to decompress afterwards to limit the amount of emotional strain that their children are exposed to.  

Fun activities during this time can also help to take the child’s mind off of how their world has been disrupted, which can be great for their wellbeing. 

Open Conversation

Communicating with children can be key. Their parents may be struggling with their own emotions and stresses and, therefore, be less available to the needs of their offspring. This can be a crucial time for other trusted adults to step up and be there for these vulnerable young people. Building trust and opening communications regarding the children’s thoughts and feelings can help them to work through their feelings in a safe and healthy way. 

Keep Bickering Away

If you are the child’s parent, you may be concerned about how your upcoming divorce is affecting them. One of the crucial ways of limiting their distress is to avoid discussing the divorce around them. Likewise, ensure that you and your former partner do not speak ill of the other around the children, as this may put them in an uncomfortable position. 

Unless there is a legitimate reason for doing so, such as a parent threatening or endangering the child, there is also no reason that they should be privy to the real reason behind the divorce. A child does not need to know about any adultery, or other marital issues, and relationships between both parents and their children should be maintained wherever possible. However, you shouldn’t just brush it under the carpet – explain to them what is happening in the simplest form and ensure they know it’s not their fault.

Going through a divorce can be stressful for anyone involved, but it is crucial that children are protected from as much of the emotional turmoil as possible. Likewise, it is key that they are reassured, as often as they need, that they are not at fault, and that they are loved. 

Lockdown: Keeping Your Relationship Alive

Keeping Your Relationship Alive During LockdownThere’s no denying the fact that lockdown is making things feel pretty bizarre for most of us at the moment. Families are spending more time together than ever, thanks to school closures and isolation measures to protect us all during the coronavirus outbreak, and adult realtionships are being strained in many cases. Between spending 24 hours a day, 7 days a week in the same space and the kids being around ALL. THE. TIME, finding time to be intimate is one of the hardest things about “The Current Situation” (as it’s formally known in most households!).

With this in mind, I thought I’d share with you five tips for keeping the spark going in your relationship so that quarantine doesn’t have a negative effect on your intimate life:

Sexting

While whispering sweet nothings might be tricky when you’ve got little ears around all the time (what is with their hearing, as well? They’re like bats, until you mention tidying!), sending your partner a message containing some steamy content is the perfect solution. Install an encrypted app like Signal and reserve it solely for sexting with your other half. As well as helping to build tension, you’ll get a little jolt of excitement every time you see a message from your chosen private app.

Lockdown Lingerie

If you’re aything like us, you’re probably spending most of your time in pyjamas or loungewear, neither of which are known for their sexiness! Why not invest in some sexy lingerie sets from Steamy Genie? Even if you slip them on UNDER your comfies, a glance of something sexy and lacy underneath your flannel P.J.s will let your partner know you’re still thinking about your provate times.

Try to Have a Routine

Okay, so while I’m not suggesting a sex schedule (is there anything less sexy?!), having a proper routine can really help you to find time to be intimate. Lots of the people I know have thrown the normal routine to the wind and the kids are going to bed later, waking up late and not really sticking to any sort of timings. Make sure the kids eat dinner, have a bath and get to bed at a more reasonable time and you’ll find yourselves with much more time to dedicate to each other in the evenings.

Try Something New

I think we can all admit that everything is SO far from normal right now, so instead of bucking against this, why not go with it and try something new during lockdown? We all have those little curiosities that we’ve thought about trying but just haven’t got round to mentioning to our partners – well, there’s never been a better time to try it! Just don’t go TOO crazy, as now is really not the time to end up in A&E with a sex injury!

Tidy Up and Have a Date

We’re all probably quite sick of our surroundings at the moment, and our motivation for housework can be tested when it seems like no sooner do we tidy than the place is a mess again. Work together to get the house back to being spotless and then enjoy the spoils of your labour by having a date night. Cook a meal together, watch a movie and just spend some time enjoying each other, instead of sitting in front of the TV or games console while the other uses their smartphone!

Bridesmaid Etiquette: How To Pick Dresses They Will Love

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It’s your big day, but you want everyone to enjoy your wedding. While you can’t please everybody, there are some people you can: your bridesmaids. Not to say you haven’t thought about them, yet they aren’t always consulted about their attire! Sometimes, a bridezilla chooses what she thinks is appropriate and makes the final decision. Sure, it is up to you; however, do you want uneasiness in the ranks? With a few simple rules, you can get all of your bridal party on board and find the perfect middle ground.

Here are the etiquette rules that will help you strike the right balance.

Ask For Their Opinion

Although this tip isn’t ground-breaking, it’s incredible how many brides don’t ask their bridesmaids for their opinion. Okay, it’s not as if you can consult all of them, especially if you have everyone from a chief bridesmaid to three or four foot soldiers. Still, a basic question will reveal all and help you to find more suitable dresses. If the shade is a problem, you can search bridesmaid dresses using color filter, or you might need to focus on the fit. Whatever it is, let them express their opinion without fear of a court marshall!

Take Them Along To A Fitting

Of course, gauging their opinion implies that they’ll offer it up in the first place. Lots of bridesmaids, trying to be a friend, will go along with anything you say not to rock the boat. From your point of view, this is counterproductive and doesn’t help in the slightest! Thankfully, taking them along to view dresses or try them on is a fantastic way to see how they feel. Their body language will speak volumes, allowing you to ask them what they think without coming across as aggressive or moody. Choose a date that suits everybody and make a girly day of it to add to the experience.

Let Them Shine

It’s your big day. You have put it together, you have spent the money, and you want the attention. There’s nothing wrong with thinking this way; it’s natural. But, that doesn’t mean your squad can’t shine too. Attempting to make them appear a little drab and understated might not go down well. Instead, let them shine by picking dresses that show off their assets in a subtle and classy way. You can even mix dresses if you don’t want them to be the same size, colour, or style. Sequins are great at catching the eye without being too flashy.

Use Pinterest

Providing multiple options and then analysing the results isn’t a job that brides enjoy. It only adds hassle to the process because you’re bound to annoy someone. The trick is to give them a chance to have their say and show them that they are involved. Then, they won’t be as disappointed if they get outvoted. To do this, you can use technology to your advantage. A WhatsApp group is always handy, but Pinterest is the winner when it comes to bridesmaid dresses.

Start a board and whittle the options down to a handful based on the majority of votes.

6 Things You Need To Consider When Booking Your Wedding

Photo by Beatriz Pérez Moya on Unsplash

Although planning your wedding is an incredibly exciting thing to do, there are lots of little details you need to think of to ensure everything goes without a hitch. Whether you’re planning a small get-together for just your closest friends and family, or you’re planning a massive celebration bringing together everyone you know – ensuring you’ve prepared everything well in advance is vital to having the perfect day.

With that in mind, here are 6 things you need to think of when booking your wedding:

  • What Is Your Budget?

Before you start planning any aspect of your wedding you need to ensure you’ve set yourself a budget. This doesn’t mean setting one budget for the whole wedding but instead looking at things in more detail.

This will ensure that you’re not going to go over your budget before you’ve managed to book everything and put the final details into place. For advice on setting yourself a wedding budget, you can view this handy guide here.

  • Where Do You Want To Get Married?

Although most people choose to get married close to home, other’s prefer to book themselves a destination wedding. Whilst most choose to book their destination wedding on a glorious island, you can pick absolutely anywhere you like. Whether you want to get married in the Scottish Highlands, in a gorgeous American National Park or on a beach in Jamaica, you can make your wedding whatever you want it to be.

  • What Kind Of Venue Would You Like?

Once you’ve decided where you want to get married, you can start to think about your venue. Of course, you’ll need to think about your budget and how many people you want to attend, but the best way to decide which venue you want to book is to visit the venues firsthand. Once you’ve visited a couple you’ll be able to get a good idea of what it is you want, giving you more of a chance of making an informed decision.

  • What Time Of Year Do You Want To Get Married?

Depending on your budget you’ll have to choose whether you want to get married during peak wedding season or not. Whilst the latter is definitely cheaper, often it’s harder to get a hold of services like photography, catering or even a venue that offers a wedding package. Taking the time to work out which option is best for you will help you avoid any surprises during planning.

  • Will You Be Hiring A Band?

Once you’ve started to get the framework in place, you can start planning the details of your wedding, including whether or not you’re going to have a band. Whilst a lot of people opt for having a DJ at their wedding reception, hiring a band could be a great touch. For more information on hiring a wedding band, you can visit this site here.

  • What Kind Of Food Will You Have?

Another important decision to make when planning a wedding is deciding what kind of food you’re going to have. Whilst you can opt to have catering provided for your venue, some couples prefer to have something a little bit more personal. Whether that’s hiring food trucks or creating your own personal menu, you can tailor your food to you.

Are you getting married soon? What did you have to consider before booking your wedding? Let me know in the comments section below.

The Effects of Domestic Abuse and Why You’re Not Alone

The effects of domestic abuse vary from person to person depending on their circumstances. Abuse can come in many forms. Physical attributes, such as bruising, broken bones, scars and burns, can be very hard to deal with, and are the most obvious signs of abuse from a partner, friend, family member or anyone you have a relationship with. But what about the mental effects of domestic abuse? These are harder to spot, and worryingly, only around 40% of abuse survivors have the courage to speak to friends or family about their ordeal. If you know someone who has survived an abusive relationship, it’s important to understand that, although they can claim compensation for abuse, they will still need help moving on emotionally. Below are some common effects of domestic violence to look out for. You can learn how to spot them, offer help and be there for survivors.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

PTSD is an anxiety disorder which occurs after a stressful or traumatic event. When you have PSTD, you tend to relive your experiences in the form of flashbacks and nightmares. If you suspect a loved one is suffering from PTSD, then speak to them. Some symptoms include avoidance, alcohol misuse and more. PTSD can be treated thanks to therapy. The earlier someone sees a therapist, the earlier their PSTD can be treated.

Suicidal Tendencies

People with suicidal tendencies will usually not openly show any signs of their turmoil. However, if you suspect someone is depressed or suicidal, ensure that they cannot harm themselves with household objects, such as knives. Another way to keep them safe is by hiding any pills that can cause harm in large amounts.

Emotionally Numb

If you have noticed that your loved one has become socially detached, excusing themselves from social events, acting strange or not emotionally responding to certain events, then they may be showing signs of emotional numbing. This is a typical symptom of PTSD, depression and anxiety. They may not even know they’re excluding themselves emotionally. In order to open up a dialogue, mention that you’re concerned for their mental health, and that you will be there for them if they need to speak to a professional.

Anger

Not everyone is the same, and many people may lash out as a response to their emotional trauma. If you’re experiencing this, it may be a good idea to sit your loved one and down, and explain that although you are here for them as a friend or partner, you will not tolerate anger in your direction. Usually, anger is used a reaction by someone who cannot emotionally understand their trauma. Many therapists can address this.

Guest post by Gina Kay Daniel

The 8 Secrets To A Happy Marriage

What is it that makes a successful marriage? Every marriage is different and has different successes and challenges. For some marriages the challenge might balancing raising children with respective careers. For others it might be their husband’s insomnia or for some it might be that the wife seems permanently attached to her mobile phone – especially true of mummy bloggers.  However, before we all  get on the phone to Austin Kemp Divorce Solicitors we need to take the time to ask ourselves what is it that makes some people have a successful marriage? Are they simply lucky or is there more to it than that? Does the success of a marriage depend on how we respond to these challenges?  We all know some “smug marrieds”. The couple who seemingly have the perfect marriage. But can any marriage really be that perfect? Do any of us really know what goes on behind that closed front door? For all we know that perfect married couple could be having weekly therapy sessions and that is why their marriage really works.

Is marriage therapy the secret to a successful marriage? Not according to this article which claims to know the secrets for a happy marriage.

What Are The Secrets To A Happy Marriage?

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1) Never change each other. Yes, in theory but then sometimes we all need to encourage change. If a woman was married to a man who dropped his socks on the floor and left the toilet seat up, then she would definitely be trying to change him!  Being a wife does not make a woman a maid. The husband might also find that they are bought the classic book  ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’

2) Compliment them. We all love to receive a compliment and we should be giving them too. Compliments are even more important when it comes to parenting little ones. Parenting is a tough gig and one where we all need plenty of compliments and reassurance.

3) Revisit the past. Sometimes a trip down memory lane can be good. It can also be a good laugh to go through some of your old photos from the past. Even the ones where you are both sporting rather dubious haircuts!

4) Always listen to each other. YES! Although, we can all be guilty of switching off. Sometimes we have a million things going on in our brain and we are trying to get lots of jobs done. We then realise that we haven’t listened to anything that has been said to us. Whoops. On the other-hand it drives us all insane if we think that our husbands aren’t listening to us. There are only so many times we are prepared to ask the same question, again and again….!  We are all guilty of not always listening.

5) Don’t get comfortable. It seems that suggestion being made here is that we shouldn’t be happy to laze around together watching Netflix. Do they not realise that the saying “Netflix and chill” (as in relax, not the other meaning) is popular amongst sleep-deprived parents for a reason. The article implies that women should probably be heading down to Ann Summers for some sexy lingerie. It’s autumn and the weather is getting a bit chilly and most of the female population would prefer getting comfy in their Marks & Spencer pjs, Netflix, a cup of tea and some chocolates. That is the secret to a happy marriage.

6) Do chores together. Yes, we aren’t in the 1950s anymore. Marriage should always be about equality. The serial housework-avoiders amongst us would  prefer it even more if they won the lottery and then they could pay for a cleaner to do the chores for them. That would make for a very happy marriage!

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7) Workout together. Does any married couple want to see their wife or husband grunting and sweating all over the gym floor? Workout time is far better when done alone!

8) Take a weekly walk. It doesn’t make it clear if this involves walking to your local pub, that is a weekly walk most parents would be very happy to take. A weekly walk is probably a good idea but for parents it is less romantic walk for two, and more like an endurance test because you have the whole family in tow.

What do you think? Do you agree that these really are the 8 secrets to a happy marriage? Perhaps you know the real secret to a happy marriage…

Forget Your Wedding Day Jitters: 10 Signs That He Really Is The Man For You

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Most people get nervous before the wedding, and it’s a perfectly normal reaction. Nagging doubts creep in. Is he the man for me? Does he love me? Am I doing the right thing? Should you be about to get married, you have probably experienced some of those pre-wedding jitters yourself. Considering the wedding day is one of the biggest days of your life, you don’t want to waste your time walking down the aisle with the wrong guy.

We can’t tell you if you’re making the right decision or not. However, it’s still good to remind yourself why you’re marrying the guy you have chosen. Here are ten signs leading up to the wedding that should indicate he really is the guy for you.

1. Your engagement ring is closer to something from 77 Diamonds than anything resembling a novelty gift from a Christmas cracker. When he is willing to spend his hard earned money on you, it’s a good sign that he’s probably a keeper!

2. He can’t stop talking about the wedding and is as excited as you are about the big day. From looking at wedding catalogues to watching wedding programmes on tv, he literally can’t contain himself when it comes to thinking about your forthcoming nuptials.

3. Despite being allergic to horses, he is still going along with your plans for a horse-drawn carriage on the big day. He is sacrificing his own needs for your idea of a dream wedding.

4. Nobody else is convinced about your paper bouquet idea, but he is behind your creativity 100%. Respecting your ideas even when other people don’t is a sure fire way of knowing he cares about your feelings.

5. He surprises you every day with a romantic gesture. A bunch of flowers one day, a box of chocolates the next. The next day…well, you will just have to wait and see.

6. He knows how you’re feeling, despite your emotional mood swings. Feeling stressed? He’s there to calm your worries. Feeling down? He’s there with a comforting word and a cuddle. Need to be left alone for awhile? He respects your space. He knows you!

7. Despite having a bad day himself, he will still listen to your woes before telling you about his own. Not only does he listen, but he asks questions, pays attention, and genuinely seems to care.

8. He still wants to marry you, despite knowing all of your deepest, darkest secrets. What’s more, he wouldn’t tell another living soul, not even his mother!

9. Despite not liking some of your friends, he is willing to put up with them just to be in your company and has even let you reserve seats for them at the wedding.

10. He tells you he loves you on a daily basis. Sentimental? Maybe. Reassuring? Definitely!

If your guy lives up to each of those signs, then he is bordering on perfect, so don’t worry if you can’t relate to all of them. Provided your husband-to-be shows you love and care on a daily basis, then you should have no reason to worry about the big day. We wish you every happiness!

 


Creative Date Ideas You’re Underestimating

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Any sort of date should be a fun date, but why not consider something a bit unconventional? Here’s a quick list of creative date ideas that you and your partner shouldn’t underestimate. The less well-worn the path of your date is, the more memorable it will be!

Try a new recipe

Find a recipe that you’ve never tried before and cook it together. The results may not be perfect, but working together on something like this will definitely create interesting memories! Besides, it could be argued that a recipe that doesn’t come out perfectly can actually make the whole thing a bit more fun. Try looking for recipes in diets that you don’t follow – for example, if you eat meat, then be adventurous and try a vegan dish.

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Watch a strange film

A lot of couples go out and watch the latest blockbusters or romantic comedies. But why not find an independent cinema in a less obvious location and watching some arthouse flick or documentary film? You may discover new areas of cinematic interest for the both of you. These sorts of films are also more likely to produce engaging conversation afterwards. As fun as I’m sure Thor 3 will be, how likely is it that you’ll both have anything much to say afterwards other than “that was awesome!”?

Go to a jazz bar

Most cities these days have a jazz bar hidden away somewhere, even though many people think that jazz bars are long-forgotten relics that are nowhere to be found these days. A jazz night is a classic date night idea, but it’s in no way antiquated. Some bars will play old-time stuff, but many will feature musicians playing new and original material – and modern jazz still continues to be as fun and adventurous as it always was. Get some formal wear ready – find a nice suit or a long evening dress online – and search for a nearby jazz bar for a truly different evening.

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Have a games night

People are always underestimating the power of board games. Of course, it could be argued that board games are best played in a group. But there are actually a bunch of board games out there that are perfectly fun with two people. Try out the best board games for couples – or, if you’re really not into the board game scene, consider taking turns with a video game.

Have a picnic

Sure, you could have a nice lunch indoors. Or you could go to a restaurant, which is where most couples will go if they want to have a date that features food. But why not save a bunch of money (those restaurants are not kind to your wallet, after all) and have a picnic? The season is right for it, after all. (Or, at least, it’s getting there.) Be careful about your wine selection, though – you don’t want to end up drinking too much in a public field! If you really feel like having a wine-heavy picnic, then even a back garden picnic can be amazing.

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Walk the dog

A lot of dog owners tend to see walking the dog as a pretty banal daily duty. Sure, when you first get the dog it can be pretty exciting, but over time it tends to be something just one person in the household does, with people often taking it in turns just like any other chore. But consider actually going on a long walk together with your dog. And if you don’t have a dog, offer to walk your friend’s dog, or consider searching for people online who need the occasional dog walker.

Go for a hot air balloon ride

Not for those afraid of heights! This is another ‘classic’ date idea that seems to be grossly underused these days. As long as there’s a big enough field nearby, you can probably find a business nearby that offers hot air balloon rides for couples. Remember that there will probably be someone else in the basket with you, though, unless one of you happens to be a licensed air balloon pilot!

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Recreate your first date

Assuming that you’ve been with your partner for some time, it may be a good idea to try recreating your first date. Go to the same restaurant or watch the film you first saw together. You can recreate this at home, too – cook the same meals you ate that night and rent the same film you saw, or see if you can find it on Netflix. A trip down memory lane can really bring back some sparks.

Planning A Beautiful Wedding On A Budget: It Is Possible!

Money, or a lack of money, is one of the biggest hurdles you face when planning a wedding. The latest statistics suggest that the average UK wedding now costs more than £21,000. Now, most of us don’t have that kind of cash lying around. The good news is that you don’t have to cut corners or miss out if you want the day of your dreams. With these helpful hacks, you’ll get the day you deserve without breaking the bank.

Image courtesy of https://pixabay.com/en/photos/wedding%20rings/

Budgeting tips for engaged couples

When you get engaged, you’re probably incredibly excited about the entire wedding planning process. Before you know it, you’ve written a guest list, decide what colour theme you want, and chosen your first dance song. It’s easy to get carried away in the romance of the situation, but try and be methodical. It’s best to set a budget before you start booking anything.

When you’re budgeting, work out how much you have available to spend on the wedding in total. Put together any savings you want to allocate, plus other sources, such as help from your parents. Once you’ve got a total in mind, you can work out how much you want to spend on what. Do some research, so you’ve got a rough idea of the kinds of costs you can expect. When you’re ready, start ticking off your biggest costs, for example, the venue and catering.

As you book, pay deposits, or clear bills in full, update your planner or spreadsheet. Keep a record of invoices, so you know where you are financially, and how much more you’ve got to pay.

Image source: https://www.pexels.com/search/planner/

Making savings

There are so many ways you can make savings when you’re planning a wedding. On the surface, anything connected to a wedding day appears to be more expensive than normal. But if you shop around, you’re bound to find better deals. Take bridesmaid dresses, for example. If you go to a bridal boutique, you’re likely to pay in excess of £100 per dress. If you shop for formal dresses on the high street, you can pick up beautiful styles for a fraction of the price. You can also compare prices on suit hire, transport, and rings. You’ll often find that the prices of very similar rings vary hugely according to the jeweller you visit. If you’re looking for Russian wedding rings, for example, visit a few different stores, try some styles, and search online.  You can then compare styles based on the thickness of the band and the carat value.

You can also make huge savings by embracing DIY. Get crafty, and you won’t need to worry about forking out for favours, place cards or table plans. You can also make the most of your family’s talents to help out with tasks like baking cakes, arranging flowers and doing hair and makeup.

Image by https://pixabay.com/en/photos/invitation/

Are you hoping to plan a beautiful wedding without going bankrupt? Weddings aren’t cheap, but there are ways of making them more affordable. Set a budget, and keep a tight handle on spending. Look at ways you could save, such as making your own favours and doing your own decorations. It also pays to shop around and compare prices and styles before you buy. Good luck!

Getting Married Abroad – Where to Choose

As most of the Mum’s the Word readers know, Husband and I got married abroad. After a lot of to-ing and fro-ing, we decided that a wedding in the UK wasn’t for us and we flew off to the Maldives to take our vows on a sandy beach in the middle of the Indian Ocean. We did a lot of research before we finally decided on the destination for our wedding and had to turn down a lot of other amazing options in the process, so I thought I’d share with you the other options that we had on our list.

A Carribean Cruise

The closest runner-up on our list was taking a cruise and actually getting married on the ship! Most cruise liners offer the opportunity to get married on board (Planet Cruise even have wedding chapels on their ships!) and it means that you can combine your wedding and honeymoon with everything that a cruise has to offer.

Getting Married on a Cruise Ship

Costa Rica

Husband and I are both nature lovers and there are companies which offer wedding packages where you’re actually married in the canopy of the rainforest. Imagine, instead of a choir or chapel bells, getting married amongst the cries of howler monkies!

Las Vegas

Let’s face it, Las Vegas is THE classic destination for a wedding with a chapel on every corner and any number of Elvis impersonators waiting to officiate for you! My cousin got married in Vegas and it looked absolutely incredible.

Gretna Green

If you’re going to elope, Gretna Green has to at LEAST be considered for a moment, with over 1500 couples choosing this as their place to elope to. It makes an amazing story to tell your friends and relatives and the anvil makes for a truly memorable photograph! Ultimately, Husband and I decided that we wanted a bit of sun at the same time which is why Gretna got bumped down the list.

Sri Lanka

Husband and I actually stopped in Sri Lanka on our way to the Maldives but only for a layover, however it was a serious contender for our choice. Many people who choose Sri Lanka do so because of the opportunity to have an elephant at your wedding and while it makes for an incredible set of photos, ultimate it wasn’t for us.

Did you have a destination wedding? Did you choose to get married on a cruise ship? I’d love to hear all about your special day and where in the world you chose to do it.