#LoveYourself · Family · Opinion · Parenting · School

Pyjamas on the School Run

February 1, 2016February 2, 2016 Jayne11 Comments

Unless you live in a cave with no internet access, you’ll likely have seen the stories all over the news about one headteacher who came out to slam the school run mums who have been wearing their PJ’s for the morning drop-off. She reportedly sent a text to parents stating “I have noticed that there has been an increasing tendency for parents to escort children to and from school while still wearing their pyjamas and, on occasion, even slippers. Could I please ask that when you are escorting your children, you take the time to dress appropriately in daywear that is suitable for the weather conditions?”

It’s one of those topics that pops up every now and again, usually in a Mumsnet community thread, where everyone will air their opinions, but for a headteacher to now comment, the debate seems to have been lifted to a new level.

I have a love/hate relationship with the school run. On the one hand, I hate the stresses of getting both girls ready in time, piling them into the car on cold mornings and eventually having to say goodbye to Sausage for six and a half hours, 5 days a week. Having said that, we also get some really nice time together to chat, listen to music and connect for little while, which is something I love. Now that we live further away from school, we have to leave the house at 8am every day in order to beat the traffic and get a parking space within a decent distance of the school, so our school run is over an hour by the time I get back home in the mornings, meaning we have to get up earlier than ever.

I think I speak for a LOT of stay-at-home Mums when I say that getting ME ready in the mornings is an absolute last priority on the list. When you’ve got children who need to be fed, watered, clothed, hair brushed, bags packed, various bits of homework remembered, drinks bottle filled, and myriad other things, being presentable myself is only just about on the radar. If I were going straight to work or out for some important engagement after the school run, things might be different, but if it’s a toss-up between an extra five minutes in bed or putting on mascara, I know which one I’ll choose.

I also feel that, as long as Sausage is cared for and presented to school on time and in order, what the hell does it matter what I look like? I’m not there for a fashion parade and I certainly don’t care what anyone else is wearing. Headteachers are certainly not paid to judge parents unless it’s a matter of welfare for their pupils. I cannot help but think that the headteacher who spoke out did so on a popularly contentious subject knowing that they’d get their five minutes of fame from it all.

Having said all of that, I do think there’s something a little off about pyjamas in the playground. It doesn’t take much to stick on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, even if you have a shower once you get home. It definitely sends a message to the kids that it’s okay to have low standards – I wouldn’t take Sausage or BB anywhere in their pyjamas but if they were to see me doing it they’d get the impression that it was an okay thing to do.

What do you think? Should teachers keep their opinions to themselves? Are we all just busy mums trying to stay on top of everything? Should we be showing our kids that we value ourselves a little bit more by taking even 5 minutes for ourselves? I’d love to know what you all think so please leave me a comment below.

Family · Opinion · Parenting · Personal

Raising Pragmatists – Parenting Without God

November 2, 2015 Jayne4 Comments

It’s pretty safe to say that religion is not something which factors very highly on mine and Husband’s list when it comes to parenting our girls. We’ve taught them the basics about what each of the major religions involve and have told them that, if they choose to, they’re welcome to explore faith if it appeals to them, but we certainly don’t follow any religion ourselves and usually strive to separate the girls from these kinds of teachings. While this may seem like our household is “lacking” in something because of our aversion to faith, I actually think that it makes our jobs as parents a lot harder, in two specific ways.

Firstly, there’s the issue of death. When Husband and I have broached this subject in the past with Sausage (BB is still far too young and is mostly only concerned with cake and Mr. Tumble), we don’t have tales of fluffy white clouds and angels with harps to pass on. Husband and I feel that humans have energy and that energy is reabsorbed into the earth when we die, but beyond that there’s nothing. It’s really hard to look your child in the eye and tell them that we won’t live on together in eternity, as much as I would love that to be the case. Expecting a child to be pragmatic enough to deal with the thought that, one day, we won’t be together anymore and we won’t be skipping around in Heaven together is really quite tough.

When my stepmum passed away in 2011, Sausage was just three. Lorraine was another pragmatist and had a Humanistic funeral, presided over by a minister who talked not about God but about people and life and living as a good person. When we spoke to Sausage about her passing, we were careful not to say “Lorraine has gone to Heaven”, both as a way to respect Lorraine’s wishes but also to convey our own views on the situation, but whenever anyone else mentions death around the kids, they tend to soften things by saying that the person had gone to Heaven. While I respect people’s views, I can’t help but wonder if they’re making things easier for themselves because they don’t have to broach the subject of nothing after death, just as much as they are softening things for the kids.

The other issue, whilst still Heaven related, is the issue of morality. Husband and I can’t teach our girls that if they aren’t “good” then they won’t go to Heaven or that bad people get their comeuppance in Hell. They don’t have the looming threat of eternal damnation keeping them in line, they simply have to self-moderate and apply what we’ve passed on in terms of ‘how to be a good person’. Anyone who knows our girls knows that they’re both really decent little people, with kind hearts and mindful attitudes (again, I’m talking about Sausage here more than BB, she’s still a work in progress!), both of which have been achieved without religion. It makes me really proud of Sausage to know that, when she’s being a good person, it’s not for the sake of a Heavenly trade-off, it’s because she’s a genuinely good person.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not dissing people who’ve got faith and pass it on to their children; I’m all for personal choice and as long as people respect my right to live without faith, I’ll respect their right to have it. All I’m saying is, religion must make certain aspects of child-rearing a lot simpler.

What do you think? Are you raising faithless pragmatists? How do you broach the difficult subjects without making things seem too stark or scary? Do you use the phrase “going to Heaven” even though you don’t believe it? I’d love to hear your views, please leave me a comment below.

Opinion · Parenting

Is Halloween Becoming Too Sexualised?

October 29, 2014 JayneLeave a comment

Just recently, I was asked to look at the results of a survey conducted by My Voucher Codes (which was also reported on in the Daily Mail) which showed that over half of UK citizens think that Halloween costumes have become too sexualised. It’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot myself lately, especially seeing as Sausage is now taking an interest in Halloween and insisted that we go costume shopping today.

According to the results of the survey:

Fifty eight percent of men did not think women’s Halloween costumes were over-sexualised.
On the other hand, 66% of women stated they thought costumes on sale were over-sexualised
The majority (76%) of those aged over 55 felt that the costumes on sale for children were not age appropriate
Thirty four percent of 18 to 24 years olds did not have a problem with the clothing on sale for children and did not find them inappropriate
Parents are not impressed with children’s Halloween costumes on sale, with 83% finding them to be inappropriate for the age at which they are marketed.

I have to say, having spent a good while trawling through rails and rails of costumes, I was totally dismayed to see how sexed up some of them were. Sausage is absolutely bonkers about cats and would have quite liked to dress up as one, but the only set we could find with a tail and mask included also came with a t-shirt which said “sexy kitty”. In a size 8-9 years. Needless to say, I left the shop in question rather sharpish.

When I was a kid, Halloween was a chance to be scary and outlandish – costumes came with a novelty meat cleaver and certainly didn’t have concern for how much cleavage one might be able to show, so this move toward the sexy rather than the scary is totally baffling to me and I certainly won’t be adorning my kids in any such nonsense.

Mark Pearson, founder of My Voucher Codes commented on the findings:

“Halloween is meant to be a time where you dress up in scary costumes, not sexy. Our results show that many women feel that the choice available to them is not equal to men’s choices with the main focus of the outfit being sexy rather than scary.”

He added:

“We can see that some outfits on sale for children are also inappropriate for the age ranges the clothes fit. Whether they are a scary film character a child should not know about or a rather revealing outfit for a young girl. Obviously many parents feel the same, which is why it is important to push for more family friendly costumes this Halloween.”

Opinion

The Fappening

October 10, 2014October 10, 2014 Jayne13 Comments

Unless you’ve been living in a cave in deepest, darkest Guatemala for the past three months, you will no doubt have heard of ‘The Fappening’. To be fair, you may not have heard that particular (and fairly distasteful) expression, but you’ll definitely have heard about the hackers who are breaching the iCloud security of various celebrities and selling their intimate photos to the highest bidder. The likes of Aubrey Plaza, Jennifer Lawrence, Kate Upton and many more have had their images splashed around the internet and other media.

There’s been a lot of discussion, from all angles. Some ~~idiots~~ people have been saying that these women are public figures and shouldn’t take intimate pictures if they don’t want them leaked, others have said that they must’ve wanted people to see the images if they took them in the first place and I can’t even begin to explain how much this kind of victim-blaming bullshit annoys me. Privacy is a basic human right, no matter how public your chosen career. Just because Kate Upton makes her money in bikinis, it doesn’t mean we own the right to see her personal, private photos, any more than being an accountant means you’re obliged to do the tax return of everyone you know during your spare time (very skewed analogy, I know, but BB’s not sleeping well)

Then, Jennifer Lawrence said this:

It is not a scandal. It is a sex crime. It is a sexual violation. It’s disgusting. The law needs to be changed, and we need to change. That’s why these Web sites are responsible. Just the fact that somebody can be sexually exploited and violated, and the first thought that crosses somebody’s mind is to make a profit from it. It’s so beyond me. I just can’t imagine being that detached from humanity. I can’t imagine being that thoughtless and careless and so empty inside.

Now, I’m a huge fan of J-Law but I’ve got to admit, I stepped back from that statement with a sharp intake of breath. Branding this is sexual violation seemed like a very strong statement to make. I started thinking about women who’d suffered sexual abuse, rape, sexual violence and it made Jennifer Lawrence’s assessment seem rather grandiose to me. Being looked at is in no way comparable to rape, is it?

Then I thought back to something which happened to me when I was 20. I was walking to a careers evening at my local hospital, which was at the end of a busy dual carriageway with a tree-covered path on one side. As I was walking along, I saw a man in the bushes at the other side of the road, trying to catch my attention and as I looked over he started masturbating. As he stood there in the bushes touching himself, my anger kicked in and I actually chased him away, before stopping and realising he was a fully grown man who could hurt me a lot more than I hurt him.

No, this man didn’t touch me in any way but his act still felt like sexual violence. He was gratified by my shock and disgust and used me to get sexual satisfaction in his depraved way. While I’m not comparing any person who’s enjoyed J-Law’s image to a sexual criminal, I completely understand how you can feel violated by someone’s unwanted attention. Incidentally, the police never caught the flasher, but I saw him a few years later in a local paper after having been convicted of several rapes and sexual assaults, so what happened still haunts me.

It’s easy to write off what has happened to these women as ‘just photos being looked at’, but having your most intimate images splashed across the internet for all to see must be absolutely mortifying and the thought that so many people are viewing them is enough to make your skin crawl. These women should be able to take whatever damn pictures of themselves on their mobile devices without the fear that they’re going to be stolen and I’m really sad that we live in a world where privacy is so undervalued and can be sold off to the highest bidder.

So, what do you think? Is this an act of sexual crime, or is Jennifer Lawrence undermining ‘real’ sexual assault by saying so? Has anything similar ever happened to you? Leave me a comment below.

Baby · Family · Opinion · Parenting

Breastfeeding in Public – What’s Your Opinion?

August 21, 2014 Jayne5 Comments

Just recently, MyVoucherCodes.co.uk conducted a survey about breastfeeding in public and the results were picked up by the Daily Mail, who ran an article about it yesterday. I was actually surprised to read, considering all of the negative stories that we hear about breastfeeding, that almost 70% of British people feel that women should be able to breastfeed anywhere in public, even bars and restaurants. It’s really heartening to read that it’s now becoming a social norm rather than some sort of stigmatised or shameful act and despite not being a breastfeeder myself, I’m thrilled that my best friend or family or daughters will be able to nourish their babies whenever they need to.

Last week, a story went viral about a family who changed a dirty nappy at the table of a restaurant, rather than retreating to a bathroom and whilst I was absolutely disgusted at the thought of being subjected to this as a neighbouring diner, it did make me think of all the times that breastfeeding mothers have been told that they should be sitting in a toilet to feed. How is feeding your child in a place intended for ablutions any less disgusting than changing a nappy next someone who’s eating? Poop and food don’t mix, from either side of the spectrum and I hope people think about this a little more before asking breastfeeding mothers to make this sacrifice.

I can’t help but wonder if the current slew of celebrity breastfeeding selfies are helping to normalise the process. In the past few months, we’ve seen supermodels and actresses taking breastfeeding selfies and tweeting or Instagramming them, showing that breastfeeding is a normal, beautiful act and that even on women who are lusted after by millions, breasts needn’t be sexualised permanently.

As a bottle-feeder by choice, I’ve been frowned upon and lambasted by heathcare professionsals and other mothers, and I’ve been known to use the phrase ‘breastapo’ on more than one occasion, but I think there’s a huge difference between women who proudly feed and aren’t afraid to be part of the movement which is normalising public feeding and people who feel the need to bully bottle-feeders for their choices. Whilst breastfeeding isn’t for me (and it’s a choice over which I agonised and have many deep-seated reasons for making), I can see the true beauty of breastfeeding and the closeness shared between mother and baby.

One of my favourite tweeters is Lucy Aitken-Read. You might know of her because of the no-poo revolution which has been taking off (and has also been featured in the national press), but she’s a prolific blogger at Lulastic and the hippyshake and Wonderthrift and often shares the most incredible shots of herself feeding her daughters. She shows that you don’t have to be a celebrity with a million stylists and hairdressers to show the beauty of breastfeeding, and in fact she looks MORE beautiful for the ease and naturalness which exudes from her shots.

So, where do you stand on the debate? Are you happy to see women feeding in public or do you think it’s something which should be kept behind closed doors? Are you a breastfeeder and if so, do you feed happily in public and have you ever received criticism for doing so? I’d love to hear some first hand experiences from my readers, so do leave me a comment below.