Looking around at the fashion that’s in the shops and on people I see in the streets, you could be forgiven for thinking that we’d woken up in the early nineties, and don’t get me wrong, there are things about that which I LOVE. Plaid shirts, Dr. Martens, double buns and ripped jeans are all SO welcome in my wardrobe but there are a few things which have made a resurgence which really are not for 2016-me. Here’s a run down of the things which 32 year old me would love to get involved with but just simply cannot:
Chokers
I won’t lie; when I saw kids wearing chokers again, I was a little bit excited. I used to LOVE my tattoo choker (you remember those stretchy plastic swirly ones?) and had it in black AND rainbow colours, and I even had a velvet choker which I made myself for special occasions. “Awesome!”, 32 year old me, thought. “Lets get a choker”.
Then, Sausage made me one out of loom bands and I realised that my jowls hang down over the front of it, making it look like I have a tourniquet around my neck and my head is a swollen balloon of flesh floating above, which is just about as far from a good look as I could possibly have imagined, and is exactly why chokers will not be making a regular appearance in my wardrobe.
Crop Tops
Not actually me…but probably not far off of what I’d look like in a crop top.
I mean…do I really need to elaborate here? I barely wore crop tops when they were in fashion 20 years ago but now, after two c-sections and, let’s face it, an adulthood of gluttony, crop tops are something that only other people wear. Don’t get me wrong, I have seen women of my age and even older wearing them, rocking the whole ‘high waited skirt/crop top’ thing and looking pretty classy, but even the TOP of my tummy is a mass of stretchmarks and therefore a NO SHOW AREA.
Underwear as Outerwear
Ah, I remember the good old days when silk nighties became fashionable and every dress on the market looked like lingerie. In fact, I actually owned one myself, which was probably wildly inappropriate because I was about 13 at the time but still had D-cup boobs, so I probably looked like a tiny prostitute. Apparently, silk slips have made a come back, but the best chance of me embracing this trend is when I nip to McDonalds drive-thru at 11.30pm when I’ve got a severe McNugget jones and don’t want to change out of my slippers. Silk nighties – NO. UGG slippers – YES.
Tiaras
So, according to some mush who works for Yves Saint Laurent, we’re all supposed to be wearing tiaras with everything this season, a la Courtney Love with her smeared lipstick. I can assure you, if I started wearing a tiara on the school run and round Aldi, my family would seriously start looking into having me sectioned.
Dungarees
See, this one makes me sad. I would LOVE to rock a set of dungarees and I think they look lush on other people. I, however, am not built for dungarees. Carrying as much weight around my centre mass and having as large a bust as I do would absolutely guarantee that I would look less Kate Bosworth and more Bella from the Tweenies…
Do you have any current trends that you’d love to wear but just have to steer clear of? I’d love to hear about them so do leave me a comment below!
Pahahaha I am so with you on all of them. I have noticed that things I wore in the 80’s 90’s are back in fashion…….Noooooooo!
Ha ha ha ha I’m with you on all of them although I think I would rock a tiara while doing the hoovering 😉
I now totally want to get out a tiara for my school run. I mean, if the houses of fashion are decreeing it, who are the mothers on the playground to say otherwise? I still own a pair of dungarees. I’ll wear them when no one is watching 😉
I have to say that I dont think I would suit any of these either!
No, I reckon you’re right…although the dungarees would be okay if you wanted to rock a Dexy’s Midnight Runners kinda look…!!
I did buy some dungarees recently but I think I will only ever wear them at home. I just feel like a blob at the moment x
I do this; I’ll buy something that I love the idea of in principle and then never pluck up the courage to wear them. I did force myself to wear a maxi dress this summer (one which had sat in my wardrobe since 2013 and still had the tags on!) and I actually felt surprisingly good, so maybe you should just take the plunge – you never know, you might love them!
I keep reading that skinny jeans are now out of fashion. They were never in for me!
I LIVE in skinny jeans! I basically can’t find any other style of jeans which even vaguely suits me so I stick to skinnies.
Dungarees have come back? Those are almost as bad as onesies!
Haha, YEP! I can;t decide if I love or hate them, but either way they’re still a massive no-no!
Great post – I do think we should wear what we want to and carry it off with confidence though. I love the high waisted shorts but am not sure I would dare!x
Oh gosh, if you’ve got the confidence then I say “hell yeah”, I’m just nowhere near brave enough to make myself stand out this much!
hahaha! I don’t think I could wear any of those either….Well maybe a tiara!
The school run would be hilarious if I rocked up wearing any of those…lol
See, as much as I said I can’t wear them, I AM half tempted to start rocking a tiara. It would be a sure-fire way to make me feel special every day…my dressing routine would go “t-shirt…jeans…Converse…TIARA!” 😀