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Wednesday was not a good day.

Wednesday was my 30th birthday.

It was all going really well until my moods (and possibly depression, but I’ve yet to have that properly confirmed) got the better of me and I started behaving like a nasty brat. Husband got a text asking if he wanted to go out for the England game later in the week and I got totally jealous, which made me act appallingly and spitefully. I was sullen and sulky and ended up being awful to Husband.

My Husband.

The ONE person who has been there for me through thick and thin, no matter what. I could give you a laundry list of reasons for my crappy mood, but none of them excuse being so vile to the one person who’s ALWAYS on my team. I basically ended up sabotaging my own birthday, despite Husband going to the effort to make sure I felt loved and special. What an idiot I am.

Anyway, I’ve woken up today with a new attitude. I’ve decided that I’m going to make my thirties my most successful age yet. I started my 20’s unsure of who I was and I feel like that girl is merely a shadow of who I am now. Despite my ridiculous “Oh my god, HOW did I end up being 30?” I’ve realised that it feels NO different to being 29.

So; success. How do we measure it? What does ‘success’ mean to you? Is there even a universal measure, or is it different for everyone?

I’ve managed to have two beautiful, healthy children. I have a happy marriage (despite my best efforts at self sabotage…) to my best friend. I’m (for the most part) healthy-ish. My blog is doing pretty well after 4 years of slogging away and I’m being asked to write for other people, which is a dream come true. So, what can I do to elaborate on this?

First and foremost, the health issue: I say ‘healthy-ish’ because although I have type 2 diabetes and slightly high cholesterol, both of these things could be improved hugely by improving my lifestyle. Its the age old story of ‘lose weight, feel better’ and I’ve spent my 20’s adopting an ‘it’ll still be there tomorrow’ attitude to the problem. Before BB, I kept thinking “I’ll lose weight once I’ve had another baby”; well, she’s here and I’ve no more excuses.

In terms of writing, I’d love to do more of it. I’ve had a novel swirling around in my brain for a couple of years now and I really need to start committing it to paper (or screen) so that I can see if it really is an idea for a novel, or just a novel idea. I’d love to branch out in other ways too and I have a concept for another blog ruminating in my brain too, which I really need to start working on.

And then there’s the elephant in the room (no, this isn’t about my weight again…). My mental health. I’m fairly certain that my moods are quite closely connected to my thyroxine levels, as I have an underactive thyroid. For the past few months, I’ve actually felt really well; my moods have been more stable, I’ve been far less tired, I’ve managed to shift some weight for the first time in months. Then, I got a call from my GP saying that my thyroxine levels were too high and needed to reduce my medication immediately. No sooner did I reduce my dose, my moods were constantly black, my skin dried out and cracked, I’m tired all the time and I’m having weird, slow-thumping heart palpitations. All sighs of not enough thyroxine.

I’m not making excuses for my behaviour, but the difference in me since I lowered my levels has been genuinely striking and I’m planning to go back to my GP and ask what the ramifications would be were I to put my does back up – if its improving ALL of my symptoms, would it not be right to assume that maybe I need slightly more than the average dosage?

Who knows. What I do know is that I may now be 30, but I intend to start grabbing life by the balls and making things happen (insert motivational poster here). If anyone had any tips or words of wisdom for me, or experience with thyroids both over and underactive, do leave me a comment.

THIS IS 30. I’m determined it’ll be even better than 29.