In the past five years, two weeks and six days, I have come to realise that there are certain occurences, certain mysteries of parenthood that I will never understand. And these things appear to be fairly universal, as I see lots of other people mentioning these occurences on social media and the like. What makes me feel infinitely better is that none of these people have the answers to these unexplained phenomenon either, so I know it’s not just me getting a great big ‘F’ in the parenting stakes.
So, without further ado, here’s a list of a few of the things that continue to evade me, despite having 5 years of parenting experience under my belt.
1. Why is it that children have absolutely no inclination to bounce on the bed…until, it’s freshly made, that is? What is is about a newly-made bed that just screams “RUIN ME AND NEGATE YOUR MOTHER’S EFFORT!!” to kids, the world over?
2. Why is it, that a child can sit in a room and completely ignore a toy for hours on end, but when it comes to moment you want to tidy said toy away, your child suddenly develops a deep and burning need to play with that toy, right this second?
3. Chores. Everyone hates them and I think most of us can probably attest to our kids being pretty resistant to getting involved in housework when we ask them to help. So, why is it that when they go to Nanny’s house, they’re suddenly like a spawn of Kim and Aggy (should they ever perfect making a person without sperm, that is) and prompt cries from mothers-in-law of “Oh, your Mum is so lucky to have a child like you, helping around the house!”
4. Cardboard boxes. One year, for Christmas, we spent nearly a hundred quid on a play kitchen for Sausage, then spent most of Christmas morning assembling it, only for her to become umbillically attached to the box it came in. In fact we, like mugs, kept that box in our lounge for her to play in almost until the next Christmas.
5. How is it that you can offer a child an item of food, which they refuse, only for you to sit down with the self-same item of food, only for them to then hover round, wanting whatever you have, DESPITE YOU OFFERING IT TO THEM TWO SECONDS BEFORE?!
Is there anything that you find utterly frustrating and mysterious about your child’s behaviour? Do share them with me below!