I can finally stop being cryptic.

That thing that I was feeling too superstitious to talk about? Well, it was a job. A great job. My dream job. And it involved moving home.

The position was as a Digital Editor for a new magazine with a major publishing company and it was based in the West Country. I didn’t know if I was suitable, but I applied for the job just for shits and giggles. But they must’ve liked me because I made it to the next stage and they asked me to do the second part of the application process, which was submitting a schedule for a weeks worth of content for the site and a full work-up of one day’s worth of posts and social media.

“This has got me written all over it”, I thought.

And I really bloody enjoyed it. It was stressful as I wanted it SO badly, but the creative process was amazing and I really got a kick out of it.

As I said, it would have also involved a relocation, so I spent hours perusing houses in Bath, imagining life in a new city, I even picked out a school for Sausage. In my head, I was there.

I sent it all off and waited. And waited…

When I started this process, Sausage was having a bad time at school and the thought of being able to whisk her off to somewhere new and change everything was really appealing. Then she started enjoying it, the tears dried up and she settled in and I started to have doubts about whether I could inflict this upheaval on her if it came to it. I concluded that no, I probably couldn’t.

I’d be asking so much of my family. Sure, Husband works for himself and could technically do it from everywhere but I’d be asking them both to move away from all of their family and friends, just for me. Not to mention that I’d be moving all this way, then working full time hours. It was too much.

Then, yesterday, I got this (this is an abridged version of the original email):

Dear Jayne

Thank you for your application for the role of Digital Editor. We apologise for the delay in contacting you with an update on your application and the outcome of your task. I am afraid that due to unforeseen circumstances this role has been withdrawn due to business reasons and we are no longer recruiting for this role.

We appreciate the time you have spent on your application and the task and apologise for any inconvenience caused.

We felt that you had good skills that would be suitable for a role with us and would be really keen to hear from you again for further Digital Editor roles or other positions that we may have in the future. 

Thank you for your interest and we wish you all the best in your employment search.

BEST. CASE. SCENARIO.

I didn’t get the job. But not because I’m not good enough, because there is no job. This means that I don’t have to ask my family to relocate, I don’t have to cause them upheaval and I don’t have to make the decision to NOT do these things either. It didn’t work out, but I don’t have to feel like my confidence has been knocked. It’s not me, it’s them. And I’m fine with that.

My Bath dream may be no more, but I’m happy. And what’s more important is that Sausage and Husband get to carry on being happy too. I also have an interview for a local job which is something totally different to anything I’ve done before but I’m excited about it and it would be great for our family.

(On a different note, as you can see, my skills for digital editing are clearly BRILLIANT, so if you know anyone who’s recruiting, do let me know!)