All About ME! · Personal · Weightloss.

Me and My Boobs.

Okay, here’s some background info.

I got my first bra when I was nine. I had to wear a bra for two years of primary school. I remember getting changed for P.E. for the first time after getting it and a girl in my class ran into the boys changing room and told the whole year that Jayne wears a bra. I was mortified, but that was the start of it all.

By the time I started senior school, my boobs were a C-cup. In year nine, I wore a double-D. In fact, my friends called me DeeDee for a while. Until they kept growing. By the time I left senior school, I had G-cup boobs. 16 and a G-cup. There were two Jaynes in my year (actually, one Jayne and one Jane) but if someone said ‘Ja(y)ne’ and they didn’t know which one, I’d invariably be described as ‘The One with the Boobs’. I put up with years of conversations with teenage boys who couldn’t tell you what I looked like from the neck up, but were familiar with every contour that nestled under my shirt.

I remember one occasion when I was walking along with my Mum, we were going into town on a Saturday and I was about 13. We walked under a bridge that workmen were fixing and I got the usual barrage of catcalls from them. I put my head down and carried on walking but my Mum got cross and tried to defend me, telling them that I was only a child and that they must be paedophiles. It wasn’t until MUCH later that my Mum realised that I hadn’t looked like a child for some time and these men simply thought they were shouting at an amply chested woman. No excuse for such misogyny, but still not as nefarious as she’d thought.

Because I’ve always had a large chest, it’s always been part of me, I guess I did get to a point where I thought “fuck it” and I started wearing low-cut tops. If people were going to stare anyway, I may as well give them something to stare at. Not the best attitude, but I was young and fed up.

Then came the touching. I was standing in a pub once and a guy made a bee-line for me and grabbed my chest, hard, with both hands. Luckily, I knew the doorman and he’d been looking over so before I even got a chance to turn around, the guy had been dragged out of the pub and thrown onto the pavement, and I’m not saying this is the norm, but this is tantamount to sexual assault – would he have been so ‘handy’ had I a small chest?

I don’t want to be all ‘woe is me’, I know plenty of women who’d love a bit more in the chesticles department, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

The crux of this post is this; I had a physiotherapy appointment this week for a long-term neck and back problem and my physio advised that I consider a reduction. They’re so heavy now that they’re causing serious strain on my neck muscles (several of which are in permanent spasm) and I have the beginning of a fatty deposit on the base of my neck which could turn into a Dowager’s Hump when I’m older. It’s pretty serious. But I don’t think I want an operation.

Aside from the fact that I watch far too many “surgery gone wrong” programmes and I’m terrified of my nipples not reattaching properly, it’s a bloody massive operation. And even aside from all that, I’m not sure I’m ready to change my body that much. I suppose it’s psychological too, I see my chest as part of my identity, which is really sad, but if I really analyse how I feel about them I guess I spent many years believing that they were the only that about me that was even vaguely remarkable (when I should have realised that I have fantastic legs and rapier wit). If I get rid of them, I’ll just be human wallpaper. I know…I’m a fruitcake, right?

I realise now, after 28 years of life and 19 years of boobs, that I have a very complicated relationship with my chest. I guess I have some thinking to do.

10 thoughts on “Me and My Boobs.

  1. Mine got reduced when I was 18 paid for by the NHS due to their size, weight and psychological damage. Scars there but never put off any boyfriends. I was able to really live after I had it done: worked in a macho environment and started running. It changed my life for the better. Hope this helps x

  2. Yep, yep, yep. That conundrum weighs heavily on my front everyday… And my Grandma that I inherited my giganto boobs from had a dowagers hump. I was a late spurter (I remember actually praying that I had some sort of chest at 14)… Not that I actually Believe, but someone listened and bestowed me with the usual size of 30GG by the time I was 18. And now, pregnant, I’m guessing what size they are, last breast feeding size was 30JJ. What I do know is that the middle of my back feels like someone is constantly tightening it with a screwdriver… A knot that will never unravel!! Hmmm, wish it was a clear answer xx

  3. I was also a bra wearer at nine and have a very large chest, I have changed dramatically over the years but am average out not much smaller than you now. I have a friend that had a reduction a few years ago and she swears it was the best thing that she ever done. But she decided at about 16 years old she wanted one so her head had been in that place for years and years. Hope you can decide what you want soon xx

  4. I’m close to requesting a reduction because I damaged my back in pregnancy and I’m sure my boobs are a factor, but haven’t for the same reasons as you. Volunteering for major surgery is an odd thing to do, and the idea of the scars is scary but as I’m waiting on a back operation that is probably just as major, and it’s taking so long to get treatment, I’m starting to be persuaded. Mine didn’t sprout til I was 14 and “only” went up to an F, but they’re now a JJ after breastfeeding and show no sign of reduction. A physio even once told me off for being lopsided and top-heavy, as if it was something I had control over!

  5. A really interesting post…especially to a flat chested ironing board like me! (A-cupper!) I have had similar struggles though, about accepting what we have but then also not ready to change what we’ve got.
    A great post x

  6. I am with you on all of the above; bra in primary school, c cup in the 1st year of seniors, H cup when pregnant. Settled down to a FF now but after feeding 3 kids they are all skin and no substance. I roll them up into my bra so during the day it’s fine but it is not unheard of for the Mr to accidentally lean on them if I am lying on my side. I’ve thought about a reduction too but I don’t have the neck or back problems yet to justify it. Thinking cap on indeed. Good luck in making your decision x

  7. I spent my entire teenage years wishing so hard for boobs that I wished too hard and ended up with E cups by age 18. I know it’s not a G but I promise it’s big enough. If I was offered a reduction I’d definitely consider it. I’ve gone through all the similar things and after yo-yo dieting and 2 children they aren’t what they were, I’d love to get something done with them, maybe I will one day. I’d say that you could go down to a D and still have boobs, they would just be manageable boobs which can only be a good thing 😉
    Good Luck with your decisions

    1. That’s a point, I probably couldn’t go down too small, I’d look ridiculous. The one saving grace to my chest size is that I have broad shoulders and carry them fairly well.

  8. Ouch! I’m one of those with no boobs, but I’d pick no boobs over back problems any day. At least I can stick a wonder bra on and pretend! I’ve had the boob grabbing in a bar too, weird…why do they think that they can do that! I thumped him instinctively! You have my sympathy, I hope it all works out okay.

    1. Hmm, I think I’m glad to know that the grabbing is not just a big boob thing, but I’m still cross that anyone thinks they have the right to do it. Thanks for commenting! x

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