I know it’s irrational.

I know it’s ‘for the best’.

I know it needs to happen.

But, I still hate myself.

Dragging Sausage to the Doctors this morning, me doing my best ‘lets talk constantly about a billion, stupid, insignificant things to take your mind off of your anxiety’ and her doing her ‘I’m such a brave, amazing kid that I’m going to pretend I’m not anxious for Mummy’s sake’ for her pre-school boosters, I had a pit of self-loathing in my stomach. I knew it was going to hurt her. I knew she’d have to have not one, but two injections and that she’d probably have a shit-fit after the first one. But I still assured her that it would all be okay, careful not to tell her that it wouldn’t hurt – it’s bad enough that I’m the ogre making all of this happen, I’m not going to bullshit the kid as well.

And, as predicted, the first one went in, she sobbed her little heart out and then when she realised she had to do it all again, she flipped.

I tried holding her still, I tried being stern and telling her she couldn’t start school if she didn’t have her jabs.

Then.

I told her “Darling, Mummy is very sad that the injections hurt, but this medicine will stop you from getting bad diseases called measles, mumps, rubella. There are children in the world who aren’t lucky enough to have those injections and we’re very lucky because we’re able to protect ourselves and I know you probably don’t like me for making you do this, but if it means you don’t get very, very poorly, it something I have to do.”

Bless our daughter and her big old brain. She understood, she sat still, she took it LIKE. A. BOSS. There were a few more tears, but once it was over and done with, she said to me “Mummy, it doesn’t even hurt anymore, I’m sorry I got upset”.

Don’t be sorry, kid. Don’t ever be sorry.

So, she’s vaccinated, she’s ready for school and she’s probably just a tiny bit jaded. But I did my job, my only job, which is making sure I do everything I can to protect her, even if it means small discomfort along the way.

And, as if she wasn’t already amazing enough, after I spoke to Sausage about less fortunate children not being able to have vaccinations  she said wanted to do something to help them, so please take a look at the Save the Children donation page to see the brilliant work they do and contribute whatever you can. We will be