Education · Family · Parenting

Pre-School Boosters (Or “Why I Hate Myself Today”)

I know it’s irrational.

I know it’s ‘for the best’.

I know it needs to happen.

But, I still hate myself.

Dragging Sausage to the Doctors this morning, me doing my best ‘lets talk constantly about a billion, stupid, insignificant things to take your mind off of your anxiety’ and her doing her ‘I’m such a brave, amazing kid that I’m going to pretend I’m not anxious for Mummy’s sake’ for her pre-school boosters, I had a pit of self-loathing in my stomach. I knew it was going to hurt her. I knew she’d have to have not one, but two injections and that she’d probably have a shit-fit after the first one. But I still assured her that it would all be okay, careful not to tell her that it wouldn’t hurt – it’s bad enough that I’m the ogre making all of this happen, I’m not going to bullshit the kid as well.

And, as predicted, the first one went in, she sobbed her little heart out and then when she realised she had to do it all again, she flipped.

I tried holding her still, I tried being stern and telling her she couldn’t start school if she didn’t have her jabs.


I told her “Darling, Mummy is very sad that the injections hurt, but this medicine will stop you from getting bad diseases called measles, mumps, rubella. There are children in the world who aren’t lucky enough to have those injections and we’re very lucky because we’re able to protect ourselves and I know you probably don’t like me for making you do this, but if it means you don’t get very, very poorly, it something I have to do.”

Bless our daughter and her big old brain. She understood, she sat still, she took it LIKE. A. BOSS. There were a few more tears, but once it was over and done with, she said to me “Mummy, it doesn’t even hurt anymore, I’m sorry I got upset”.

Don’t be sorry, kid. Don’t ever be sorry.

So, she’s vaccinated, she’s ready for school and she’s probably just a tiny bit jaded. But I did my job, my only job, which is making sure I do everything I can to protect her, even if it means small discomfort along the way.

And, as if she wasn’t already amazing enough, after I spoke to Sausage about less fortunate children not being able to have vaccinations  she said wanted to do something to help them, so please take a look at the Save the Children donation page to see the brilliant work they do and contribute whatever you can. We will be

Parenting · Summer Adventures

Summer Adventures – A Walk in the Woods

Summer Adventure is a collaborative linky hosted by: Adele at Playful Learners, Becca at What Kidder did next, Jayne at Mum’s the Word, Laura at The Mummy Life.  

A stream, caused by all the rain.

 Sausage will be starting school this September, so it’s important to me that we really make the most of this summer and do as much as we can together. Of course, an average family budget doesn’t extend to an expensive day trip every day and although we’ve enjoyed the cinema and Marsh Farm so far, I’ve also been doing a lot of research and brainstorming about nice, fun things we can do together that cost little or no money. 

Hoof Prints in the Mud

We live in an area that’s fairly diverse, in terms of the landscape, so not only do we have a coast for lots of beach fun, we also have countryside and wooded areas, and all of these represent opportunities for learning, fresh air, fun and exercise. Husband has planted and nurtured a really keen interest in nature, animals, science and learning in Sausage and when she was at nursery, they did a regular thing called ‘Forest School’, sometimes at the local woods and sometimes simply in the garden of their classroom.

Squirrel stalker.

Last weekend, we decided to take Sausage on our very own family forest school at Belfairs Woods, a wooded area which also has stables and a playground area. The parking is free, which is always a bonus and it’s right on a bus route too, so it’s easy to get to for most people. To make it as stimulating as possible, we let Sausage take her own camera with her and set her various challenges, simple things like ‘How many different types of leaves can you see’ and ‘What animals can you spot’, which gave her a real sense of purpose and she thoroughly enjoyed herself.


Although the day was sunny, the previous day had been torrential rain, so we were ploughing through muddy puddles in our boots and dodging mini streams that had appeared, all of which Sausage loved. We also encountered lots of horses as the riding school was trekking at the same time as us, so she really enjoyed seeing the different sized horses and watching their swishy tails!

We had a great morning, didn’t spend a penny (other than the petrol it took to get us there) and Sausage was really engaged and stimulated by the whole day, especially when a very friendly and inquisitive squirrel decided to stalk us through the forest, all it took was a little imagination to turn a run-of-the-mill activity into something fun.

If you’ve had any adventures this summer, we’d love to read about them, just link up below.

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Anger · Politics · Rant

Dirty Flaps and Other Things That Get on my Nerves.

Lately, I’ve noticed that there are little things which really niggle at me, minor annoyances that have been making the top of my head blow off like a volcano (well, almost…) so I thought I’d list them here as a sort of catharsis.

1. People Who Get To The Till at the Supermarket Then Act Surprised That They Have To Pay.

Okay, long-winded title which more or less explains itself, but what the merry FUCK is it with people who do that? You’re in a shop. Unless you plan on committing petty larceny, the chances are you’ll be paying once your goods are rung up. So why oh WHY do people wait until every last item is put away and the checkout operator is looking at them with keen expectancy do these numpties only then get their purse or wallet out. And don’t even get me started on Nectar cards/Clubcards/Advantage cards. I’m so sick of getting stuck behind some tit in a trance who contributes towards making my life at least 10% less efficient.

Look at my filthy flap.

2. Dirty Flaps.

Yep, I hate it when my flaps get dirty.

Okay, so I mean the flaps on the top of my bins. We have two bins, side by side in the kitchen, one for recycling, one for everything else (when the council bother to deliver red sacks, but that’s a different rant entirely) and no matter how many times a day I wipe them down, they always seem to be covered in schmutz. I don’t know what the solution is, but it hacks me off.

3. Discounts That Aren’t Really a Discount.

Last week, Husband took me out to buy me a new laptop and we went to our local PC World as it had a closing down sale on. I found a laptop I wanted which was an ex-display model and seemed to have a really good amount chopped off. Then the salesman came over and, Zombie Jesus bless him, he was very honest and told us that the original price of five hundred and something was only charged for about a week and that it was really worth £299. Right, so let me get this straight. The laptop was only ever worth £299 and has been on display for six months and you’re still charging £269 for it? Jog. On. £30 off for having a million sausage-fingered morons stabbing at it every time the shop opened? Nuhthanks….

4. Bad Drivers.

I know I blogged about this one before, but the fuckwittery I’ve encountered seems to be worsening. The other day, I was driving through a car park and stopped to let a person back out of a disabled space and the person behind me tried to overtake and almost ploughed into the side of the car backing out. I mean, really? Was that bloke in SUCH a rush that he needed to take that risk? I also had a grown man literally screaming out of the window at me while I had Sausage in the car for not pulling out quick enough (just for the record, I pulled out  plenty quick enough). What possesses grown people to behave this way?

Yeah. Course you were…

 5. Bourgeois Bigotry.

I’m not the biggest fan of the Olympics, it has to be said, but when twats like Aiden Burley MP start going on about the opening ceremony (which, incidentally, was absolutely bloody brilliant and I’m SO proud to have a director like Danny Boyle as part of British culture) being “too multicultural”, what they’re really saying is “go home, darkies”, without  actually having the balls to come out and say it. All I will say is, our opening ceremony would have been extremely drab and boring had we not Caribbean, Asian, African and all those other cultural influences mixed in to this melting pot of a country. Keep your veiled racism, it’s unpleasant and cowardly.  Oh and also, Aiden, you twat – the Rolling Stones are blues musicians – where do you think blues comes from? Black America, maybe? So you like multiculturalism when it’s served up to you by four fellas from Kent?

All About ME! · Competitions · Personal

“Why Do You Cross Your Legs When You Cough?” – Kegel8 Ultra Review and Prize Draw

The Kegel8 Ultra

The question above was posed to me by my darling Husband a while back and up until that point, I don’t think I’d realised that I did it. I had a caesarean with Sausage and I think I thought that pelvic floor exercises were something for those who’d managed to squeeze a human out of their fanny. But there’s no denying it, since childbirth, be it through the chuff or out of the sunroof, my pelvic floor has definitely weakened.

A couple of months ago, I had a stinking cough (not stinking because I stink of wee, honest) and on more than one occasion, I went into a coughing fit and came out of the other end with more than just a clear throat. There’s…leakage, shall we say? I’m not talking full-on piss-your-pants, just…oh shut up, you know what I mean, right? RIGHT?! Don’t leave me hanging here!

This isn’t easy to talk about for anyone, this post will probably be read by lots of people who know me in real life who I’ll probably now notice sniffing me to see if they can detect L’Eau de Urine next time we meet. But the fact is, it happens. Unless you’re a yoga bunny or have a tuppence that’s more toned than Jody Marsh’s new physique, the chances are you’ll have wee’d when you sneeze (Mammywoo, I’m looking at you love 😉 )

Anyway. The point to all of this public humiliation is that I’ve been sent something to review. It’s called a Kegel8 Ultra (RRP £117.99) and it’s an electronic muscle stimulator to help with stress incontinence. You know those Slendertone things you strap to your belly to give you abs without doing a million sit-ups? Imagine that, but distinctly more…probey. 

I started using it last night, and despite Husband’s insistence that it’s was probably just an elaborate vibrator and that he could probably rig it up to the mains for me if the supplied 9V battery wasn’t doing it for me, there’s noting pleasurable about it. It feels very weird. You can feel the whole area tensing up and for the first five minutes I had to sit and look at the display so that I could tell when it was about to go off, so that it didn’t take me by surprise, but you get used to it after a while and I even increased the intensity of the contractions a couple of times.

Kegel8 Day Toner

It’s easy to set up and use (although there wasn’t any lube in the box, as per the contents) and there are unlimited amounts of programs and options for you to choose from depending on the severity and cause of the problem, so it can be used by just about anybody (apparently there’s also an, erm, well, an anal attachment available separately, although I don’t even want to think about that!).

I’ll update you on my progress as I go along, I’m supposed to use it every day for 20 minutes and I’m not sure how long it’ll be before I see an improvement, but I may give it a month and then go and sit in the doctors surgery so that I can get another horrid cough and really test my new noonie muscles out. Jokes. 

So yeah. I wee when I cough. But I bet you do too, so that’s okay.

I’ve also, very kindly, been given 10 Kegel8 Day Toners (RRP £29.99) to give away to my lovely readers, just do the usual business with the widget below to be in with a chance of winning. Please read the Terms and Conditions of entry on the widget before entering.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

ThePrizeFinder – UK Competitions