Anyone who has been, you know, ALIVE in the last 35 years has heard of Yoda. Even if you aren’t a Star Wars fan, you know who he is. I bet you can even quote him too, in his voice, without having seen the film. He’s a beloved little green dude who is the wisest creature to have ever lived and can pull the biggest and most unexpected can of whoopass out of the bag that you’ve ever seen. Give the bloke a lightsaber and you’re in all kinds of trouble.

So why, OH WHY, has George Lucas made the heartbreaking decision to turn Yoda into a crap-peddling whore? Was Phantom Menace  ‘The Film That Shall Not Be Named’ not bad enough? Was Jar-Jar Binks not enough of a cinematic insult to anyone who has loved Star Wars, for even a minute?

Did you really need the cash, George? Does your wallet get a warm glow, every time it hears a Star Wars fans heart break? Because that’s what you’ve done. You’ve broken our hearts. Every time we tune into a commercial TV channel and see Yoda on a fucking Vodafone advert we all die a little inside.

So, thanks for that, Mr. Lucas. Thanks for ruining childhood memories and making us feel dirty and used, every time we see the abomination you’ve created.

Poor Yoda. Yoda the Whore. What must Yaddle think?