Things That I Am Too Old To Do…

I’ve got to a certain age now, or maybe a certain point in life rather than an actual age, where I’ve realised that there are a few things that I’m definitely too old to do. It’s come as a shock because I thought I was still young and cool, but I sense my siblings and younger cousins cringing occasionally which has made me realise that I’m firmly in the ‘Embarrassing Adult’ group. Here are a few things that I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m too old to do.

1. Do my hair in bunches.

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, it looked cute to stick my hair in bunches – you know, on a beach holiday under a straw cowboy hat, at a festival when you can’t wash your locks etc. It helped that I was naturally baby blonde too, it was all a bit Scandinavian, you know? Now, I’m in my late twenties and am definitely not baby blonde anymore and I’m just too damn old for it to look cute. I’m too old for it to even look ironic. It looks ridiculous.

2. Wear hot pants. 

Let’s face it, I’m in neither the shape nor the climate to go out in hot pants, regardless of my age. But, were I 4 sizes smaller (oh, alright, 5 sizes…) and living in Miami, I’d still not be pouring myself into short shorts. Why? Because regardless of whether my legs and arse look like they’ve been loving smoothed out of alabaster, I’m at an age where hot pants cease to make me look cute and perky, but rather desperate and street-walkery. Full stop. You can quote the fucking Pussycat Dolls or any supermodel over 30 you like at me, but take them out of the context of performing on stage and put them in a suburb of the UK and she looks like a prostitute. End of.

3. Wear things ironically

You don’t look cool. You look disturbed.

You know how there’s this trend of wearing big National Health-looking specs and slightly gimpy clothing? How just about every kid on the High Street looks like a cross between Erkel and Deirdre Barlow? Yeah, once you’re in your late 20’s, that doesn’t like ironic, it looks frumpy. Especially if you’re carrying 4-year old baby weight. If I walked around in bottle-bottom glasses and brown slacks, people would think that’s just me being desperately UNfashionble, not cutting edge like all of these so-called trend setting children.

4. Ride a scooter

I recently got asked if I’d like to test out an adult Micro Scooter. I understand there’s something of a trend emerging for parents to ride alongside their kids during the school run and such times. But, honestly, if I were to ride around on a Micro Scooter, I would simply look a MASSIVE PRANNY. Come on, admit it, if you saw a full-grown adult scooting down the street on a silver monstrosity, you’d be walking along looking for their carer, wouldn’t you?

5. Have a cutesy decal/eyelashes/zany bumper stickers on my car

Just. NO.

I apologise if I offend anyone with this one as, again, I gather that lots of people are in the habit of zazzing up their car with various adornments, but I genuinely cringe when I see most of these. In my immediate vicinity, there’s one neighbour who has a purple sparkly car with about a billion stickers on it, proclaiming her to be a witch, no less than THREE people carriers which have full sets of Betty Boop decals ALL OVER THEM and a car with eyelashes.

I think people are under the illusion that using these bedazzlements gives the impression that they’re full of personality, but actually it belies a human with very little to offer in the way of humour or personality. These stickers can be stomached if on the car of a teenager, but if you’re my age or older – grow up.

So, I’ve given you mine, now you tell me yours – what are you too old to do?


Saturday Caption

I’ve never got involved in this linky before but I thought I would this week, I love a good linky! So, here’s my offering:

So, leave me a comment below containing a caption for the photo above. Simple, right?


Humour · Personal · Photos

My First Ever Black Eye

Any of my eagle-eyed Twitter chums may have noticed this on Sunday:

I was secretly hoping it’d turn into a proper shiner, making me look like a female boxer or something, but alas it’s not that dramatic. It also occurred to me that a woman with a black eye raises certain questions, so every time I go anywhere and catch someone looking, I’ve been loudly proclaiming “LOOK WHAT MY KID DID TO ME!” just in case people think I’m a victim of domestic violence.

Anyway, just in case you’re interested in The Life and Times of my Shiner (I’m obsessed with it, I look in the mirror about 50 times a day at the moment), here’s a gallery of its cycle. Weirdly, the one with just a tiny cut is just after it happened and the one with all of the autumnal-shaded bruising is the latest photo, taken today.


Parenting · Personal · Photos

Making Family Chores Fun

may have mentioned once or twice (ahem…) that I’m pretty rubbish at housework. In fact, I’ve found no less than four posts on this very blog, with confessions of slovenliness (hereherehere…and here, just in case you’re interested!). However, since I went back to work, I’ve really stepped up on the housework front. I may still have dusty skirting boards and my mother-in-law may have done my washing up for me about half a dozen times in the last few months, but I have been keeping up with the rest of it!

However, the problem with working and maintaining a decent home is that I still have to find time in the middle of all of that to spend time with Sausage. Fortunately, she’s at that age where she loves to help so I’ve started drafting her in to help with simple tasks, which means that we get to spend time together whilst being productive as well as making the whole thing a lot more pleasant for me.

Here are a few examples of how Sausage has been getting involved:

Sausage loves to help me hang the washing on the line. We make up simple games like getting her to shout out who each item belongs to as I hang it, which is simple but it gets her to use her brain while doing a mundane task.

She’ll often help by passing me the pegs or the wet clothes, or sometimes just keeps me smiling by wrapping herself in the sheets and shouting “COME AND FIND MEEEE!”.


Making the beds is a really simple task that Sausage can more or less do by herself, but we have fun doing it together. We flap the duvet around and generally clown about. I’ve come to the conclusion that chores needn’t be done promptly if you’re having fun. The beds will look better in the end and you’ll have enjoyed yourself in the process. Look at Sausage admiring her work in the last picture, pure pride!


As I mentioned before, now I’m back at work I have to be more efficient and Husband helped by devising a system to help us get the laundry away. Before, I’d do the washing, it’d get brought in and dumped in a corner where it would stay until each item got reworn. Now, we have three baskets in different

colours, one for each of us, and the washing gets sorted into the baskets. This makes it a lot easier to put away in the respective wardrobe and this sorting has more or less been taken over by Sausage who loves working out whose item is whose and which basket it needs to go into.


I HATE WASHING UP. Seriously hate it. So does Husband, which is why between us we end up with a backlog of dishes that need doing and a total of ZERO enthusiasm for doing it. That was, until my little helper got involved! Now, I wash, Sausage stands on her chair and put the clean dishes on the draining board. A minor thing, but it gives us a chance to have a chat, sing, listen to music and spend what has turned out to be some really nice time together.

So, that’s how the Mum’s the Word family make their chores a bit more fun! This post is part of the Morphy Richards Innovator linky over on Tots 100.