Humour · Personal

Turns Out, It’s Pathological…

I’m having a weird experience.

This weekend, I’ve worked my arse off and got every room in the house clean and tidy. We’ve had a massive sort out and got rid of all of the clothes and shoes that we don’t want anymore, sorted out Sausage’s burgeoning mound of toys, sorted out Husbands office which was in danger of attracting hobos with the amount of cardboard boxes that were piled up in there. Hell, Husband even cleaned the oven! What I’m saying is, that as I sit here there’s one final load of washing going round in the machine and then THAT’S IT. There’s no more housework to do today.

And do you know what? I don’t like it.

I’m ever so good at ignoring housework, like “Oh, yeah, I know there’s mould on the bathroom tiles, but I just need to watch this episode of Desperate Housewives…” but now there’s nothing to do and I can just legitimately sit and watch TV or read my Kindle, I feel like I can’t concentrate. Like, it’s not worth doing if I’m not using it as an avoidance of something.

So, you see, I think I have some sort of mental illness. Any ideas what it might be? All I know is, I’m scouting the house for chores, and on account of the fact that this is me we’re talking about, I know there’s definitely something amiss!

Humour · Opinion

The Best Thing To Ever Happen in Waitrose.

I don’t know about you, but I have a very set idea of the four types of people who shop in Waitrose:

1. Old people. Old, grumpy, usually snobby people who tend to be myopic enough to accidentally (on purpose) try to run you over in their Rovers.

2. Married couples in their late thirties through to late middle age who are probably quite affluent and tend to buy things like expensive wine, bags of salad and expensive pate.

3. Women in their early thirties who have married rich men, who are dolled-up to the nines to do their weekly shop and usually have a couple of kids in tow, who are without exception, really badly behaved.

4. ‘Normal’ people like us, probably not rich enough to do a weeks shop in there and tend to walk around looking slightly bewildered about why their beans cost twice as much in here as they do in Tesco.

Unfortunately, Waitrose is our closest supermarket and when we’re between big shops, we have to go there to stock up on bits, but the other day I had such an awesome moment in there.

I was in the washing aisle and was perusing the washing up liquids. Some of the Waitrose own brand ones have very exotic sounding scents and I said to Husband “Oh these sound nice…then again, I don’t know why I allow myself to get drawn into these, I only end up going right back to Fairy”.

At this moment, a very well dressed man in a baker-boy hat and expensive looking jeans sidled up to us and said “You know, I’m rather partial to a fairy myself” only to smirk and glide away with his trolley!

Such a minute thing, but’s it’s tickled me ever since, every time I think about it. I won’t go too deep into the whole thing, but more than anything I was absolutely made up that in a world, nay, a shop of extreme prejudice, someone can be that secure in himself to just make a joke with a random stranger. That’s the kind of world I want to live in.


Zhufari Playset Review

Last year, Sausage was sent a Zhu Zhu Pet to try out and instantly fell in love, then on her first ever day at nursery, while Husband and I were hovering around in the Waitrose opposite her school, refusing to go home and be more than 1000 yards away from her, we bought her another one as a present. Another came along at Christmas and soon we had a mini Zhu Zhu army zooming around the house!

Just recently, we were asked if we’d like to try out a Zhufari Playset and a special Zhu Zhu  pet to go with it and with Sausage’s love for them, how could I say no?! We were sent the Zhufari Lion Park play set and the little critter pictured below:


Obviously, Sausage is in love with her new Zhu Zhu pet, she loved the things anyway and then someone went and made a PINK one, which is just a win-win situation for her, being the pink-obsessed little lady that she is! The playset is a nice little addition to the range, it gives it a sense of cohesion, like the pets have more of a point now they have a dedicated place to zoom around.

If I could think of anything negative about them it would be that the tube that runs along the top of the set, like a tube on a hamster cage, seems a bit too small for the pets to fit comfortably through, but they do go through with a shove, so it’s not too bad!

The range of Zhu Zhu pets is huge and there’s one to suit just about every kids taste. We’ve also just learned that with Zhu-Fari you can even win a break for all the family at the Safari Hotel at Chessington World of Adventures. It’s a great competition, you can enter here.

Humour · Parenting

Five Easy Steps to Brighten Up Your Kitchen

Anyone who has lived in rented accommodation knows that the flats and houses tend to be magnolia palaces, painted in the most drab and inoffensive shades of ‘BLAH’ and you’re often under other contraints, such as a contract that states you can’t paint the walls or put nails in the walls to hang pictures.

Although my kitchen is the one room in the house with a modicum of colour on the walls (a nice shade of urine yellow…), Sausage’s latest passion has really helped to brighten the place up, so without further ado, I give you ‘Five Easy Steps to Brighten Up Your Kitchen’:

1. Copulate.

2. Get pregnant.

3. Give birth.

4. Wait around three and a half years for your child to grow up and develop an interest in painting.

5. Stick said paintings liberally around your magnolia palace.



Just in case you’re curious, the octopus in the drawing is called Shirley!