Opinion · Personal

Use Your Illusion – Parts I and II

No, this isn’t a post about Guns ‘n’ Roses, although I do bloody love that band. November Rain is still one of my favourite songs, and I wish I could go back to the 80’s and 90’s to visit Slash’s L.A. house which was more or less turned into a giant, walk-in vivarium. But I digress…

I was checking my Facebook this morning when I came across a status update from my best friend, which read as follows:

After I stopped rolling around my living room floor, guffawing from the depths of my toes, I stopped to think. Isn’t it funny to think how we come across to others? Now, knowing my darling bestie, there could well be an element of sarcasm in there, but assuming she’s being serious, she’s got a properly demented view of my life!

On paper, I might seem ‘together’. I have two jobs, a three-year-old, various writing commitments, yadda yadda….no more than anyone else has to contend with really, but I suppose it’s more ‘obvious’  because I choose to broadcast it all via my blog and various social media profiles. But what those profiles don’t tell you is that I have a pile of washing up to my waist, I have a lawn full of dog poo that I need to go and pick up, Sausage gets bored with asking me to get her dressed on non-nursery days and often takes herself off to her room to search for something to wear that isn’t pyjamas, and I regularly leave my washing up until we have nothing left to eat or drink with.

So you see, while I talk about the good bits, the boring day-today bits or areas where I’m shamefully slack often go unmentioned. And don’t forget, Husband works from home too, which means he takes care of the shopping, dog walking, collecting Sausage from nursery and much else besides!

I should also add here, that I have ONE child. Bestie has THREE. And that’s not just any three kids, she has three boys under three, two of whom are twins! How the woman isn’t entirely grey is beyond me! (Here’s where I enter a disclaimer and say that I adore the boys and want to eat them because they’re so gorgeous, I just can’t imagine how difficult it would be to have three boys so close in age).

But it’s all about how we project ourselves, isn’t it? I’ve written a few posts in the past about honesty through social media (here and here) and despite that fact that we put more of ourselves out there than ever before through blogging, Facebook, Twitter, Linked In, StumbleUpon (delete as appropriate), we still only let on what we want people to know. I mean, I get it, no one cares about the mundane parts like that fact that I often spend all day in pyjamas if I have nowhere to go, or that I eat too many crisps, but at the same time, it’s impossible to get a full view of a persons day-to-day tooings and froings, despite how much we all talk about ourselves.

It made me think that we might be holding ourselves up against this perceived yardstick of how successful other people are, when in fact the standards that we’re imagining are actually impossible to reach. So I’ll go first, I’ll be honest. If I can get away with it, I’m really fucking lazy. When I have a day off, I like nothing better than sitting on the couch with Sausage, or catching up with my favourite TV programmes and more often than not, housework is the farthest thing from my mind. I don’t know if I feel better or worse for getting that dirty little secret out there, but I hope it might make people feel better when they take a totally skewed look at my life and come away feeling bad about themselves.

(Dedicated to Jamillah, who is officially SuperWoman, despite what she may think)

7 thoughts on “Use Your Illusion – Parts I and II

  1. We’re all the same deep down inside I guess.

    I really need to go pick up dog poo too. :/ I’m relieved to know I’m not the only one!

    THANK YOU! It’s so comforting to have someone tell you “it’s ok to be crap at some things.”.

  2. I can barely express how thankful this has made me, and probably many others feel, and i would have to have a blog of my own, just to try and convey this.

    I definitely fall prey to measuring my own success (and failures!), by the perceived yardstick of mummydom, and daddyhood that i often feel is wielded by others. There is a constant guilt feeling that i’m just not doing enough, and my energy constantly lets me down. If i haven’t taken them to the park, baked with my eldest, and got involved in some messy play or craft work by bedtime, (not to mention having a spick and span house), i feel like i have failed.

    But perhaps i need to let go of the notion that i have to be a supermummy, and relish more the fact that whatever i have done, i have somehow acquired 3 Super Kids. That is a success that i can hold above any other, though in truth i know i cannot really take all the credit for it! They are amazing and they forgive me my limitations everyday! So tomorrow even if we stay in our jammers all day, and achieve nothing more mess, mayhem, and mischief, i will swallow the urge to live up to Mrs/Mr Practically Perfect at playgroup and enjoy my Definitely Perfect lot!

    However that does not detract from the FACT, that my bezzy beloved friend Jayne and her lovely husband, are indeed an ace example of how to get it just right. There is no better proof of this than their beautiful. witty, charming, feisty, smart, highly fashionable (oh how i could go on), flame haired wonder of a daughter. My Goddaughter, whom i wish i could see more of…..oh no here goes another attack of guilt ;)) xxXxx

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