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Naked.

When Husband and I first got married, he didn’t like to wear his wedding ring. It wasn’t anything nefarious, he just wasn’t comfortable wearing jewellery, and naturally I kicked up a fuss about it at every possible opportunity. So much so that he went out and had a ‘J’ tattooed on his ring finger, just to show that while he didn’t like to wear a ring, he was 100% committed and taken. He shouldn’t have needed to do this, but I’m an insecure maniac, so I’m grateful that he did. As it turns out he started wearing his ring anyway, some time around Sausage being born I think, so he has both a permanent and a removable reminder of me, 24/7!

Because of my underactive thyroid, despite the fact that I’m medicated, my hands and feet still swell up so I don’t know if my rings are going to even fit me from one day to the next. I’ve lost count of the times that I’ve gone to sleep with my ring on and woken up with swollen hands and a purple ring finger, only to have to rush to the bathroom and the liquid soap dispenser to try to get my mini-tourniquet off. As a result, I tend to be not wearing my ring more often than I am, and around the house it’s not so bad but when I go out, I feel naked without it. I’m rather slapdash with where I leave it too, it can be found anywhere from the serving hatch (yes, we have a serving hatch…) to the bookshelf, to Husbands desk, to the bathroom shelf, to the floor next to my bed.

Only, that’s the problem. It can’t be found at all anymore. I have lost my wedding ring.

I lost it a couple of months ago and have been frantically searching for it ever since. I even put off telling Husband that I couldn’t find it, in the hope that I’d find it before I had to confess. I was almost hoping that he was doing one of those mean, but ultimately well-meaning, pranks that people on American sit-coms do, where he walks into a room, finds my ring on the floor, picks it up, pulls a few over-the-top facial expressions to camera, and then hides it and revels in my agony at trying to secretly find it. But no, Husband is not that mean and my ring is definitely lost.

Aside from the fact that I’m abso-fucking-lutely gutted at having lost my ring, it’s compounded by the fact that it made it all the way to the bloody Maldives and back, unscathed, but I can’t keep an eye on in it in a small bungalow in the South East of Essex. Then, there’s the judgement. I must add, this is absolutely just an imaginary perceived judgement that I project onto others, but in my head, when I’m walking along with Sausage, EVERY SINGLE PERSON we walk past checks my ring finger and does an audible ‘TUT’ when they see that it’s naked. Especially when I go to Waitrose. You know what a lot of Waitrose shoppers are like. Older, conservative, JUDGEMENTAL. (Obviously not all Waitrose shoppers are like this, I shop in there occasionally and I’m a young, liberal, seemingly unmarried mother…). I feel like I want to walk around with a sign around my neck which says ‘I AM married, you know’. In fact, if I ever find myself conversing with a stranger, I do tend to slip in the odd “Oh, my Husband this and my Husband that…” just to really hit the message home. And it’s ridiculous, because A) so fucking what if I was an unmarried mother? and B) I don’t give the tiniest shit what the lady on the Lottery counter in Waitrose thinks she knows about me. I must have this one little, minute corner of my brain, which judges unmarried mothers and secretly yearns to dress in John Lewis slacks and an ancient Hermes scarf.

The long and short of it is, my poor little finger feels naked. I’d love another ring to replace the old one, and Husband has offered, but who can warrant just going out and splashing cash on a replacement wedding ring that you were stupid enough to lose, when you have an almost-three-year-old with a birthday coming up? So, for now, my finger will remain sad and naked.

Maybe I could draw a ring on…?

10 thoughts on “Naked.

  1. Lol! Oh bless you! *hugs*
    Have you checked the hoover? The fridge? The freezer?
    *When* you find it, what about having it on a necklace rather than round your finger? I had an engagement collar (silver with pink gems in it). Plenty of people have different types of jewellery to represent their commitment and things. Try not to feel bad *hug*

  2. Gutted for you hun, can’t really relate as far as wedding ring goes, as i am the ultimate in unmarried mothers! 🙁 But when i read that i did feel a certain element of our twinship return. Robs mum gave me one of her rings for my birthday, (bless her wishin and a hopin), i’ve left it on the sink in the bathroom, on the counter in the kitchen, bookcase, bedside table etc. and it was in one of these places that i left it just last week, and said to myself, ‘do put that back in its box!” about 5 minutes before i sucked it up in the hoover…we’ve just got one of those miele vacuums with about a zillionty layers of filtration in the bag. Had to cut it upen and fish through god knows what to retrieve it! so whilst mine is a tale with a happy ending i now have resigned myself either to not wearing said ring or dealing with a fat throbbing digit.

    Oh and yes i do sometimes pretend and wear it on my ring finger, so i guess now all i’m just an unmarried mother again, with no props with which to abate the sneers of all the smug marrieds when i push/heave my three children along!

  3. My husband lost his in our honeymoon…can you believe that? Lol I rarely wear mine these days, since having babies my skin has become sensitive to them and it gets sore. I worry people judge me too so I understand.

  4. Oh no! How devastating! Mine’s come off a few times over the years, normally when it’s been flung at hubby (carefully you understand so as not to lose it) in a fit of rage. Not since The Boy was born though. Hope you come up with a solution soon!

  5. Hahahahaha you nutter, I found my nans run after 14 months of looking once it was in the bottom of the sofa not underneath the cushions no right at the bottom lol, hope you fInd it soon x

  6. Oh no, I can totally understand how gutted you feel… I take mine off often at home but after a couple of scares, I have now decided on two places where to leave it and so far it is working.
    Perhaps it will still turn up? As for others, you should just ignore them, you know the truth!

  7. When we were together I has wedding ring issues. We used our rings as another weapon to show how angry and upset we were, taking them off everytime we had a row and then seeing which one would be the first to put it back on (therefore being the one to wave the the white flag) 6 months after the split and the ring mark has finally faded and I am glad it is gone. While I recognise that the kids were a good thing that came of the 10 years, I am happy to be putting that part of my life behind me and when I look at my unadorned finger it reminds of the possiblities and happiness the future may hold. (also thinking of having “never again” tattooed around it lol) Hope you find it soon xxxxx

    1. Bless you, I know what you mean, I’ve seen others do it, where the wedding ring gets flung in an argument and then once peace resumes the desperate search begins. It’s easy to look back and rue your behaviour, but at the time (and especially in your situation) I think you do what you can to try and gain the upper hand. Your kids are amazing and you’re a brilliant Mum. You more than make up for any shortcomings from the other 50% of their DNA! *hugs* xxxx

  8. I leave mine all over the place as well, once my mums dog stole my engagement ring because i’d left it on the floor! I’m with you on the judgmental side of it as well, I look about 18 and have two children (I’m 24!) but the amount of comments and looks we get especially when I was pregnant! So much so an employee got in trouble with her company for pre judging me at the Baby Show!

    Lauren from http://www.spudandspike.co.uk

    1. So, maybe the judgement isn’t inside my head then? I do think it’s ridiculous that people judge me based on a ‘legal’ commitment to another person, not my parenting. And what if I were in a long-term relationship, but didn’t believe in marriage? What if I were a single mum? Would that make me a bad mum? I don’t think so. Screw people and their judgements!

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