I’ve been steering clear of the internet today, specifically Facebook and Twitter. I simply cannot be arsed to get drawn into some petty debate about how William absolutely deserves to have a fuck-off great big wedding, paid for by the serfs, because he does a bit of charity work. But then I thought, hey, I can write it all on my blog, where I don’t have to listen to the flag-waving, jingoistic bullshit that’s been grinding my gears all day.

Let me preface the next few paragraphs by saying this; I’m really happy for William and Kate and hope they have a long and happy marriage. Congratulations.

But they aren’t the ones I’m pissed off with. I’m pissed off with you. Yes YOU. The idiots who slept on the streets all night, despite having a perfectly good hotel room, so they could get a good view of the Royal precession. The people who keep telling me it’s unpatriotic of me to feel a little cynical about today’s events (One of Husbands friends got it spot on today when he said something along the lines of ‘standing in the street, cheering for people who are richer than us doesn’t make you patriotic’) The people who went to London dressed in wedding dresses to show their support.

I’ll give it to the Royals, they’re clever bastards (that’ll be all the private education WE paid for…). Here’s what they’ve done. They’ve organised the biggest wedding in Britain since simpering halfwit David Beckham married the soulless stick insect, whilst the country is in a recession and scraping by the best they can. They’ve organised a massive party, sent us the bill, then told us we can’t go (someone far cleverer than me said that, but I can’t remember who it was).

And then, if that wasn’t bad enough, they’ve deigned to allow us a day off of work, in the form of a bank holiday. Yes, that’s right, a BANK holiday, the banks, those fuckers who got the country in this state in the first place. I could add far more, like how every single person in that chapel was dripping in jewels and designer outfits that they probably didn’t have to pay a penny for, just because they’d be seen at the Royal Wedding, but I won’t.

And are we, as a country, outraged and revolting against the injustice? No. We’re standing in London, WAVING FUCKING FLAGS! We’re watching it on not one, but two TV channels, our kids are even treated to a Pingu wedding special on CBeebies.

So no. It’s not the Royals I’m pissed off with. It’s all of you. Because if the Royal Wedding had taught me one thing, it’s that people are idiots.