They say there’s no such thing as a selfless good deed. Today, I stepped in to help out my new friend, Elle, at This is Mommyhood, but in the bargain I managed to wangle an awesome guest post from her, which may seem cruel in her current sickly state, but as it turns out she’s just as awesome when she’s ill! So, without further ado, I hand my blog over to Elle and hope to delight and entertain with:

When I First Got Married I Thought Couples Who Had Separate Bedrooms Were Crazy. Several Years Later, I Think It’s The Best Idea Ever!

Time: 10 pm-ish

Place: Bedroom

And…Action!

My hubby likes to lie in bed and have quiet time. He’ll read his Mother Jones or Popular Science magazine with our cat laying on his chest. I’ll be watching a Friends repeat and occasionally the hubby will point something out in his magazine. I’ll nod, pretend I’m paying attention, and say something like “uh huh” or “oh cool”. After awhile he’ll put down his magazine, give the cat a few treats that she’ll puke up later, and turn off the light. Now this is where the fun starts.

Within ten minutes he’s snoring….loudly. Then he’ll start grinding his teeth. Ree Ree Ree Ree.

He hurt his leg awhile ago which can cause twitchy spasms. Maybe it’s because I keep my toenails so short but I think his toenails can rival Freddy Krueger. So his twitchy leg spasms trigger his Freddy Krueger toenails and he starts scratching the shit out of the sheets. Riiip Riiip Riiip.

Oh and did I mention that he likes to hang his feet over the end of the bed. So let’s recap.

He’s snoring away like a bear. Teeth grinding. Ree Ree Ree Ree. Leg twitching all over the place. Toenails slashing away at the sheets Riiip Riiip Riiip. And his feet are constantly pulling the covers down while I continually grab at them and pull up, grab and pull up.

I’m usually not asleep at this point, I mean how would that even be possible? By this time I’m reading OK! Magazine or watching an old episode of Sex And The City. Every now and then I punch him in the arm or jab his twitchy leg with my foot lightly tap him to stop his snoring.

A few hours later I’ll still be wide awake, reading or on the computer. His snoring will be so loud that it will usually wake him up. He’ll look at the clock and see how late it is. Then he’ll tell me he can’t sleep and that I’m keeping him up. He’s lucky that I love him so much.

Thanks Elle, here’s to a beautiful friendship.