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What am I so afraid of?

So.

This is my first post on my new blog, and as I sit here there is one prevailing emotion which bubbles up with every ‘clickety-click’ of my keyboard.

Fear.

I read some other blogs. Okay, I read a lot of blogs. Mainly those of the kick arse girls over at Aiming Low. I sit there and read these blogs and think “Wow, these girls think exactly like I do. I could write a blog too”. And do you know how many times I have set up my own blog?

FOUR.

Four times. I’ve set up a blog for myself, written a witty, if a little self-deprecating, first post introducing myself to the blogosphere, chosen a theme and a snazzy font. And do you know how many times I’ve let those posts float about on the World Wide Web, long enough for even ONE person to read it?

You guessed it…NONE.

So, I ask…what am I so afraid of?

I think for me it’s a little of this and a little of that. The ‘this’ being the “What if nobody ever reads my blog?” I mean, we write blogs in the first person, a narrative that almost assumes that someone else is reading it. Which feels a little impertinent, a little presumptuous.

And then there’s the “What if someone’s reading, but they don’t like me?”. I read these blogs of amazing women, women who lead seemingly normal lives, but who manage to add their own sense of humour to it, and they blow me away with their wit and style. So why the heck would anyone want to listen to me?

And then I stop myself.

I hear my husband saying “Stop putting yourself down”.

And I think.

I must have something to say. If I’ve attempted on FOUR occasions to say it, then there must be something to say. So I’ll start by saying this:

I can’t promise it’ll always be witty. Or stylish. And I certainly can’t promise not to be self deprecating. But I will promise to try. Try to be confident. Try to be witty. Try to be entertaining.

But most of all, I promise, super-double promise, to try not to be afraid.

And all I can do is try.

7 thoughts on “What am I so afraid of?

  1. Can completely relate to this! 🙂 As you probably saw on my own blog http://www.itstartedwithasquish.com

    It’s so scary isn’t it, especially as you lack confidence in the first place. I guess blogging is a way to build confidence and finding people who feel the same way goes a long way to putting you at ease!

    Lovely to meet you! 🙂

  2. This is a superb post and may be one that can be followed up to see what are the results

    A pal emailed this link the other day and I am eagerly waiting your next article. Keep on on the first rate work.

  3. Eeep! Two readers who aren’t members of my immediate family!

    Thank you both for reading and taking the time to comment, I really appreciate it and hope you will continue to read my random musings!

    Jayne
    x

  4. Hi Jayne,

    I found you via your comment on my blog. First I have to say, YAY! and kudos to you for starting a blog. It’s a great place for self-expression and for a creative outlet.

    I love what you have written so far, you have a great style and engaging voice. My blog is new too, I’m only 8 months old and had and have the same fears of “Who could possibly want to read what I have to say”.

    But I’m moving forward and love it. I’ve met a lot of people (via internet) that have similar interest and I’m glad for that.

    Keep it up, I’ll be one of your first readers. I love good writers so see you soon.

    Naomi

  5. I read your entry and would like you to know that you’re very correct. I, for one, will be tuning in for more.

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