So.

This is my first post on my new blog, and as I sit here there is one prevailing emotion which bubbles up with every ‘clickety-click’ of my keyboard.

Fear.

I read some other blogs. Okay, I read a lot of blogs. Mainly those of the kick arse girls over at Aiming Low. I sit there and read these blogs and think “Wow, these girls think exactly like I do. I could write a blog too”. And do you know how many times I have set up my own blog?

FOUR.

Four times. I’ve set up a blog for myself, written a witty, if a little self-deprecating, first post introducing myself to the blogosphere, chosen a theme and a snazzy font. And do you know how many times I’ve let those posts float about on the World Wide Web, long enough for even ONE person to read it?

You guessed it…NONE.

So, I ask…what am I so afraid of?

I think for me it’s a little of this and a little of that. The ‘this’ being the “What if nobody ever reads my blog?” I mean, we write blogs in the first person, a narrative that almost assumes that someone else is reading it. Which feels a little impertinent, a little presumptuous.

And then there’s the “What if someone’s reading, but they don’t like me?”. I read these blogs of amazing women, women who lead seemingly normal lives, but who manage to add their own sense of humour to it, and they blow me away with their wit and style. So why the heck would anyone want to listen to me?

And then I stop myself.

I hear my husband saying “Stop putting yourself down”.

And I think.

I must have something to say. If I’ve attempted on FOUR occasions to say it, then there must be something to say. So I’ll start by saying this:

I can’t promise it’ll always be witty. Or stylish. And I certainly can’t promise not to be self deprecating. But I will promise to try. Try to be confident. Try to be witty. Try to be entertaining.

But most of all, I promise, super-double promise, to try not to be afraid.

And all I can do is try.